NEW YORK, NY — Movie star and stunt man King Kong was seen climbing an apartment building in the Hell’s Kitchen section of Manhattan this evening. The native of Madagascar had traveled to the Big Apple to have his personal copies of Keith Rommel’s Thanatology series — the first three hardcover volumes: The Cursed Man, The Lurking Man and The Sinful Man — signed by Brahm Gallagher, the lead actor in The Cursed Man movie. Brahm had taken the copies from Kong at the front entrance and promised to sign them, but was now having second thoughts and really just wanted to spend some time with his lady friend.
“I’d really appreciate if the chap would just oblige, really,” said Mr. Kong in an interview before he began scaling the 35 story tower. “I mean it’s not like he’s a superstar yet like Leo (DiCaprio) or Sly (Stallone) or Arnie (Schwarzenegger).”
Gallagher continued to maintain his privacy in his 17th floor suite, enjoying the company of movie star girlfriend Fay Wray.
“I don’t want to see that damn ape,” Brahm was heard saying behind closed doors.
“Oh Brahmy dear — just sign the big boy’s books — and then we’ll have a little nooky wooky … smooch honey bunch!” urged the starlet.
“No! I won’t do it! His breath stinks and he smells like a sasquatch!”
exclaimed the rising star. “I’m becoming big …. you know … and I — I — should be able to make my own decisions — who is he anyway?”
“Yes you are becoming big deary — real big! Oooh I can’t wait until you burst onto the scene!” exclaimed Fay.
Meanwhile, losing patience, the 30 foot tall, 4 ton stunt man scaled the 17 stories with ease and looked in an open window ….
“Blimey! I know this is him! I see the posters and — whoah Mary Queen of Scots! The bloke has a Cursed Man curtain … now where are those …. schaaaaawinnnnggg! Why I never! She is one hot little number!” said Kong. “Screw the damn books — I want her!”
(to be continued)